Or, at least I have every intention of trying.
To be more outgoing. To socialize more.
But what’s a girl to do.
Scenario 1: invited to a party where I know some, and don’t know some. So, do I introduce myself or not? If I feel outgoing, yes. If not? I have all the friends I need, not interested in meeting new people, I just tend to ignore them at that stage; maybe I’ll talk to them later.
Scenario 2: my ex’s (also father of my children) latest girlfriend. This can be pretty tricky. He is an ex for a reason. I have no further interest in him, WHAT SO EVER. But apparently I still have to feign some sort of compassion/interest due to the kids. But do I have to strike up a conversation with his latest, just because we happen to be standing in the same vicinity? I mean, this is not a person of my choosing. She will never become part of my circle.
Scenario 3: a conversation including several people/friends (I know, how can this be awkward?). Topics are discussed, and sometimes I actually do have something to say on the matter, but I hesitate to butt in with my 5 cents, and -poof- the moment’s gone. They’ve moved on to another topic. And, yet again, I sit there like a wax doll. Silent. Uncontributing.
Scenario 4: I meet someone new :-), like them, would like to talk more, but ……what to talk about? Temporary braindeath. The strange thing is: practically all my friends are the very outgoing type. They strike up conversations with anyone, anywhere, getting lots of attention. Me? Wallflower material.
So, in the first 2 cases, am I just being rude? Giving in to my introvert self? And, in that case, is that such a bad thing? Third scenario: believe in myself and my opinions, my thoughts are just as valuable as anyone elses. Scenario 4: the weather, the latest movie, his clothes. Anything goes, according to a girlfriend. There’s no need to be so effing profound the first time you talk to someone!!!
Introvert AND low selfesteem. Now there’s a killer combo if ever there was one.
I guess it all boils down to try, try again.