Talking to myself

It’s strange how sometimes you come across articles on the great wide web that speak to you directly about stuff that’s happening in your life at that very moment.

This morning, driving my car, after a hellish yesterday and morning, I said with the utmost conviction and emphasis: I HATE my body!!!

I have mentioned previously the grief I have had over the last couple of years: asthma, kidney stones, plantar fasciitis, meningitis.

Well, this summer it is my back.image

So. Being the self-help novice that I am, I read lots of articles stating how important it is to be kind to yourself and say encouraging and positive things to yourself. You know; self love.

Somehow those messages of self-appreciation, love and encouragement just don’t seem to get the same level of intensity behind them as “l HATE my body!!”

Today I came across yet another article. Right down to dna-level our bodies respond to the way we talk to them. So instead of greaming (groaning/screaming) in agony whenever my back seizes, I should take the time for every half hour that it doesn’t to send it some thoughts of gratitude for hanging in there.

Peace and Love.

Posted in Life in general, philosiphizing | Tagged , , , , | 1 Comment

The Joy? of Dating

  • Dating is not my favourite pastime.
  • Subtle hints fly right by me.
  • Flirting is something I have never mastered.

So now that you have a general idea, let me tell you about my latest adventure on the town.

A birthday party first, where we had some wine and a mojito and some more wine. Getting to just  the right level of tipsy before going in to town to maybe dance a bit before hitting the sack.

Which I did. Get a dance, that is. With a  man with good arms, decent height and seemed polite enough. It certainly did feel good to get a little cuddle on the dance floor.

Have you ever talked to someone, had a decent sized a-ha moment, “really?! Is that true?! OMG I didn’t know that!” kind of moment. You know; the you-learn-something-new-everyday kind of conversation. Well, I had one of those with a random man. And now I can’t remember what we were talking about. At all. Not a chance.

And now the fun starts. I saw a man I met last time I was out, but we didn’t hit it off. Looked at him and said “I know you. We met a few weeks ago”

“Yeah, we did. I’ve been thinking about you ever since.” he said. Yeah, right, I thought.

Chit chat about this and that, the bar closed, and we were off to an after-party on a boat, with this guy tagging along.

I was so pretty, and he had thought of me often, and he wanted to get to know me and all the regular shit people say.

More wine, and I thought “What the heck, I’ll try him “on” for size” and so we kissed a couple of times. Tongue and all.

And I have to say this, I gave it a good shot. I did try to really immerse myself in the moment. Waited for something to happen. Something. Anything. Anything at all.


Not a single jingle, shiver, shudder, or goosebumps anywhere. AT ALL. No knees weakening. No toes curling.


But this guy was asking to come home with me.


Just to wait for a taxi.


Just for a glass of water, while he waited for the taxi.


Anyway, we ended up walking to the taxi-stand together, and here’s where the fun starts….

“You changed during the night”

“Okay” (I discovered there was NO chemistry, so, yeah….)

“Just so you know, your mate from last time said making a move on you was about as easy as making a move on a stone”

“Oh, okay” (me, with a slight shoulder shrug)

And the parting words:

“And you’re really pretty ugly, too”

“Really” (me, slightly stunned)


Now, I’m not a beauty, but ugly? That’s harsh.


Here’s to having kissed my first frog.









Posted in Dating, Life in general, love, Men | Tagged , , , , , | 1 Comment

Paperbag vs hyperventilating

The things you learn from watching tv.

Grey’s Anatomy on Easter Sunday.

Some doctor hyperventilating because of some traumatic experience or other. Another doctor gives her a paperbag to breathe into.

I have always wondered why. And this time it hit me:

Breathing the same air in and out several times; breathing in your own co2.

You are calming down because you are poisoning yourself with your own fumes.

There you have it.


After googling it, it is all to do with ph-levels.

Posted in Ukategorisert | Leave a comment

Spilled milk

You know, that final straw.

Today I spilled some milk on my pants while making a bowl of breakfast cereal.




No, I am not suicidal. Yet. But sometimes things just get a bit too much.

Things that have bogged me down this winter:

  1. Not having my trip abroad. I know. First world problems, right. But this has contributed to my mental, and probably physical health,
  2. Contracting FHMD, Foot hand and mouth disease. which spreads via FECES!! So, what? Have I been making “mudcakes” with someones infected poo??? Hands and feet full of itching blisters, almost driving me insane at times. Now, all my skin is peeling off and I look part leper/part burn victim. The result? No-one wants to come near me. Huuuuraaaay…..
  3. One day of almost freedom, and I come down with the flu. And still I get asked to be a private chauffeur. F#%&ing hell!!!
  4. AND the weather is against me. Spring was on its way, and then we get bombarded with 20-30 cm of snow. Come on, really!!??!!
  5. I have no sense of smell because I am full of nasal polyps, because of my f#¤%ing asthma. The joy of hearing that my place REEKS, and “oh yeah, uh, you don’t smell so hot either”. AAAAAARRRGH. Said with the best intent, but still….
  6. My pretty, oh, so pretty



I think that’s about it. That’s enough to get just about anyone a bit down in the dumps, isn’t it? I’m not being overly sensitive, am I?

To look on the bright side: I just got in a rant and a whinge all in one go 🙂



Posted in About me, Life in general, philosiphizing, Ukategorisert | Tagged , , , | 2 Comments

It’s like this now

…and how are you going to deal with it?

Words by Lama Marut

Again, it’s all in the attitude.

Happy nows. Enjoy it to its fullest, because it won’t last.

Crappy nows. What the heck, because it won’t last.

Wise words.

I just wish I could live by them.

Posted in Life in general, philosiphizing, Ukategorisert | Tagged , , | Leave a comment


It really is all about attitude.

I had decided to maybe grow out my hair, if I could stand walking around in public showing my silver strands of awesomeness. As I have dyed my hair a rather smashing red for the last – wow –  many years the transition would definately be brutal. Because, and I might as well tell the truth sooner than later, there’s not much of my regular (younger me) hair colour left. It’s grey. All grey. Light and dark. But grey.

In previous times, i.e. before my decision to go grey, I started recoiling at my reflection in the mirror after about one week after dying my hair. Yepp, my hair grows with the speed of Speedy Gonzales. 3 weeks and I should definately do a touch-up. 5 weeks and I was feeling I looked as old as Methuselah.

I think I might have been in a constant state of denial about my age, as well. I don’t feel old. I don’t think like I thought old people should think. My body doesn’t feel old (most of the time). And then it hit me: my brother is turning 50 this year! I’ll be 48 this year!!


Who am I trying to kid?

Not that I am going to buy myself a rocking chair and dig out the crochet needles, but maybe it was time to get real. AND I am sick and tired of dying my hair. AND am getting more concious about chemicals in food, beauty products and the like. Even though I have lost my sense of smell, I still remember the eye-watering chemicals in many of the dyes that I have used previously. Now that can’t be healthy.

Although I did have a few conversations with hairstylists about dying my hair a final time to make the transition a little less obvious. One wouldn’t take the job, one said “cut it all off” and some said it will be very difficult to get it to look good. Sooo….

Anyway.  I am now 7 weeks into my no-dye situation, and frankly I couldn’t care less. Buuut, I won’t be wearing my hair down for a while. The skunk stripe isn’t really a fashion statement. Or maybe it should be. “Look at me, not giving a f#%&”

7 weeks in

7 weeks in

week 7

week 7

Posted in About me, Going grey, Life in general | Tagged , , | 4 Comments

Like the rest of the world

I would like to take this opportunity to set goals for the new year.

There really is so much that ought to change in my life. 

The main goal is to get up and out of my sofa. I need to get some hobbies. Get to the gym. Socialize. Purge and down-size. Eat healthy.  Get a life, to put it bluntly.

But, my first challenge for 2015 is a no-spending challenge of 30 days. Just the essentials. Food. Fresh food. The goal being to use up most of the stuff in my freezer and cupboards. No purchases on sale. No new clothes. No entertainment. Any boozing will have to be from my well-stocked cupboard.

One more thing that MIGHT be on my to-do list: going grey. I am sick and tired of dying my hair. I love the red, but having to refresh it, preferably, every 3-4 weeks is just too much hassle.Beautiful long grey hair!

Oh, and way up there on the dream-o-meter is building a tiny-house in my front yard, rent out my apartment and live tiny. That would force a few of my other goals for this year.

So here’s wishing everyone a happy, prosperous, active, sexy, productive and well-written

New Year


Posted in About me, Life in general | Tagged , | Leave a comment