After a couple of crushes, a marriage, and what I thought might have been infatuations, I have seen a common denominator in all these “relationships”.
I fall for teacher figures. Not authority figures – I really don’t like being bossed around.
Example one: a volleyball coach from my early teens. A teen crush never acted upon. Oh, my aching heart.
Example two: My driving instructor. A proper adult male. Quite old, actually. Must have been in his forties. 😀 Ugh…totally embarrassing to think back on.
Example three: a volleyball coach who taught the company team. This went so far as marriage and 3 kids. And a divorce, because, well, shit happens.
Example four: while I was married I got my motorcycle drivers license. The driving instructor got me all nervous and giddy. This one had me “scared” and thinking: am I a lesbian? Because, you know, the instructor was a woman.
Five: After my divorce I met a man I was truly fascinated by. Loved his lifestyle, his wandering ways and his exoticness (part norwegian, part caribbean). This, I thought, was the real deal. Turns out, not so much. He was also, in part, a teacher figure. He “taught” me the joy of sex. Oh my, what good times we had.
Six: this final infatuation didn’t seem to fit the pattern, until it just recently hit me. I thought I fell for him because he seemed to be a MAN, sure of himself, and an all round pleasant guy. I felt comfortable around him. Christ, I even danced and sang in front of him, sober! Never done that before. In retrospect, he was also a teacher figure. He knows lots about boats, engines, a jack-of-all-trades, and helped me out in my new life on the water.
Even though I am aware of this pattern, I keep repeating it.
So. What to do?
Make sure the next person I fall for has nothing practical to offer me?
Have I ever been truly in love?
Life of Tine 